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It feels more and more like everything is noise; noise in the way of my concentration. I don’t really know what I want to fix my concentration on anymore. At the moment, I have the motivation of a spent workhorse and the direction of a wind-tossed dandelion pappus. It feels like the end of August is closing in on me even though the month has just begun. We are unexpectedly hosting one of my partner’s siblings for roughly a week. We’re all vaccinated and didn’t really go out even before the pandemic. It is a joy to see them, and although we are fairly close in age (myself the elder between us), I feel a sort of paternalistic desire to dote.

I made them beef and radish soup according to Future Neighbor’s instructions the night they arrived. It was a comforting dish on a chillier evening. They are heavily underweight, and switched off of a vegan diet over the past few months for health reasons, so I thought it might be helpful to offer them heavier, heartier dishes while they are with us to hopefully help them put weight on. It’s something they are concerned about on their own to be clear—I’m not just making decisions about their health or body for them. I’m going to be making some heavily-spiced chicken within the next hour here—it’s a recipe my partner and I enjoy.

We also got a bunch of sweet corn in our CSA and I’m more than happy to share it with our guest. Tonight I’m simply going to boil it then butter it and let them decide for their ears if they want salt or Tajin. On Sunday, our guest’s partner will arrive and they've been vegan for most of their life. I think I’ll use the rest of the sweet corn for the corn curry recipe that Future Neighbor just put out. We have all the other ingredients already, even.

I love my partner and their sibling dearly and I am glad that we are getting to spend time together before they move very far away. I’m struggling with the sense that I am losing time every day, however, during what feels like one of the last stretches of socially-sheltered, sensory-minimized bliss I may have for the rest of my life. I don’t want our guest to think I am resentful, but if I am being honest, I am a touch.

Perhaps I should reframe it instead; the reasons I cannot live the way I find least grating on my sensitive nerves have nothing to do with them and it’s unfair to let my artificial feeling of personal time loss ruin the little bit of time we all have to spend together. I may need to work from home again anyway, since the Delta variant is increasingly becoming an issue in the US and my current industry does not lend itself well to that development.

Before our guest arrived, I picked knitting back up after over ten years. I made a beanie in more or less one sitting with an alpaca and wool blend, a lovely blue-tinged obsidian in color. I know it’s summer where I am, but winter has a way of sneaking up on me every year. I missed knitting. It reminds me of my Grandmother, which is probably why I put it down in the first place. I aspire to make a sweater eventually, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

I should really get going on the meal.

Thanks for reading, I hope you’re eating well. Seeya again soon.