Hey so I’m writing this to avoid writing a paper that is due in like 6 hours but my bedtime is in like 1 hour realistically and I just accepted a job offer I am not yet technically qualified for because my boss thinks I can do it and it’s like double my regular pay and now I’m salary and not hourly and I’m like huh??????????? I didn’t know that could happen???? But also it keeps happening???? Like each time I get a new job my pay doubles???? And I used to not be able to afford anything on my own???? And is this writing style annoying yet???? I’m basically just stimming it now as an avoidance technique?????
So yeah, uh, I probably won’t be able to write much of anything on here again for a long time. Which bums me out. But it’s because I’m getting dollars and getting a piece of paper that says I’ll get even more dollars eventually I guess. I don’t want to leave my bubble at my current job and I won’t have to for this, but I probably will need to next year because that's how this specific role woooorks.
As always, I need to find local people to pal around with on a regular basis. My friends are all currently at least one of the following; non-local, terminally ill or caring for a terminally ill loved one, very busy with their own grad school work and can only co-work body-double sometimes, are not sure about how to navigate our friendship now that I’m their supervisor and so have pulled away, or are happily married and busy being happily married. I guess dollars brings access to the treat mills people with money go to. I don’t know that I would find people I relate to there in a meaningful sense, though. I don’t want to do online dating. I think I just want to complain to avoid writing this dumb paper. I think I’m avoiding the possibility of making connections because I’m scaaared of new or unfamiliar intimacy now, probably.
Like I have "community" now, but everyone is busy putting out their own fires, as I said already I guess, like no one is ok and I can’t ever tell how much help they need or what is the right way to check in, or if/when it is appropriate to ask for “help” for me, like, watch a movie with me. Or sit on my tiny porch cement block thing and have hot chocolate and watch the sun go down. Or go to the store together for groceries. These are mundane everyday things that I think people do alone or with their partners, but I wish they spread it out to other people, too. I also don’t know how to ask without it sounding clingy or desperate? Maybe “would you like to come over for a movie and some popcorn?” isn’t too strange. I don’t know. Man, I’m never getting to this stupid paper. It’s not even supposed to be that long, like 250-500 words, I’m just irritated by the citation and reference method I have to use and that I have to find like 5 sources to cite. And that’s not even a good excuse, I have access to a citation generator. What the hell am I doing, I already wrote that amount and then some here lol.
Ok, I’ll go write it. Bye see you later have a good day, see you again sometime when I don’t want to do my work.