Hi, so
Things here are weird and bad and we’re doing mutual aid and community watches and food/supplies drives and chore trains and store runs and deliveries and fucking lots of other things and they’re still fucking stealing and harassing people (children!), but I’ve also started seeing someone from the dating app so that’s something and even though it feels wrong to have that as a part of my life right now, I’m gonna talk about it.
I’ve become pretty keen, and they seem pretty keen in turn. They brought me a little clutch of flowers on our first coffee meeting. I kept them in the empty ginger beer bottle I ordered at the coffee shop until they died haha. I showed them around one of the old rehabbed factory buildings I used to frequent as a child and young adult. They really liked it. We played cribbage and yahtzee for a few hours while we talked. We were both nervous, but honest about it. I was pleasantly surprised. I had a stereotype in my head about what they would be like just from previous experience of people with similar interests before I went, but I was willing to give them a try because their messages sounded like a well-adjusted person and were much more personalized than others I had been receiving.
On our second date, they brought me some lego flowers they had put together. I have them in a vase on my little entering-the-apartment-drop-table. We played some more board games at my favorite coffee shop. Then I took them to a medical/army surplus store that also has a bunch of electronic bits and bobs, and they loved it. I didn’t know from their job description, but they’re an engineer that does CADing, so they had a blast finding things for hobby electronics. And then I showed them an antique bookstore and my favorite local library. They came over to my apartment (respectfully and no funny business), and noticed my clock wasn’t working, so we took it apart together and fixed it. We engaged in non-verbal reasoning and tinkering together—like passing tools and pieces back and forth and assembling different bits based on dexterity differences, which I interpreted as they fundamentally see me as an intellectual and functional equal. Maybe that’s waaay too much to attach to that so early, but it’s a good thing I’ve noticed I suppose.
On the third date, I took them to a Smash Bros Melee tournament. We both tied for last with one other newcomer, but it was fun haha. It is crazy how good everyone there was. There was another game that some of the runners had made that was in beta, and we got to try it out. It was super cool and more technical than Melee. Then we went out for dinner. It was a restaurant I’m pretty familiar with and enjoy a lot. They liked what they got, and I got what I usually get there. It was nice. We talked about what we do in the summer and then somehow we got onto finances. It sounds like I am a tad more responsible with saving and more debt averse, but they are doing well for themselves and stay thrifty in spite of their higher salary. We drove around a little bit and talked, and we established we have similar politics and feelings about religion. We have similar life goals and enough hobbies in common and separate that we could have a healthy balance between separate and together.
My notes so far: they do a lot of mirroring. I’m not used to that, and it is lovely to meet someone I am interested in and they are interested in me that has that in their communication repertoire. They are thoughtful in meaningful ways so far, which center how I feel cared for. On the flipside, they seem to appreciate that I am a pretty active listener and like to hear about what they are passionate about, and also that I like to try new things. We’ve talked about deal breakers and non-negotiables, and as long as we are both being honest, that is squared away as well. Of course, something could come up or change for either or both of us, but I guess we’ll seeeeee.
So far they have dazzled me (hopefully by actually being themself), and I think I have dazzled them by being myself. And now I’m scared that it’s not a real connection or I’m misinterpreting things haha. But they seem earnest and are not pushing for things to go too quickly. There is an ease to our talking, even with the getting-to-know-a-new-person jitters. They’ve already mentioned that they’re kinda bragging to their friends that they’ve met someone cool. I’m showing anyone with eyes around me their picture and talking about how nice they’ve been so far. I’m trying so hard not to do a limerence. I am trying to see them as they are, and allow nuance to come in over time, and combat assumptions and narratives I build in my head. I’m trying to keep busy to stay realistic and out of delululand.
I’m not sure what the reasonable medium is between hyper vigilance and caution. I think my ability to trust is one of my deeper strengths, even if it has been exploited quite a bit in the past. I also have that strong hyper vigilance from things that have happened in the past. The duality of maaaan. I suppose I will say, I am looking for red flags and listening to my gut with a stethoscope, but nothing has pinged my self-protective mechanisms yet. I know it’s just been three dates and some texting, but I’m over the moon and would like to keep building something good slowly and carefully.
Anyway that’s my good feels dump in the middle of a steaming pile. We’ll see where it goes! Thanks for reading, I hope you’re doing well wherever you are.